Love, sex & words

First published in Dutch 19-08-2012 

Liever in het Nederlands lezen? : http://yaramarch.blogspot.nl/2012/08/liefde-seks-en-woorden.html

Prude. I am. 

More than I thought.

Most time people don’t admit, but in real live everything is about love also. Isn’t your mind full of the big search  to feel secure  and for tenderness? Don’t you feel alive when you  feel passion? A theme so important in your live is talking topic number one isn’t it?

No? Off course, when you just  fall in love, you want to talk about it all the time. Although, mostly you talk in neutral terms. You talk about how cute, sweet, sexy, smart and so on  your new lover is. That he even can cook, and pays so much attention to you. But after you’re longer and longer  a couple it stops.

It’s totally different when you for instance talk about food . When did you last hear friends talk about that fantastic diner in that marvellous restaurant? Or did you talk about by yourself? All the mouth watering details of the meal are subject of the review. Every course, the sauce, the accompanying drinks and it never ends when you tell about that special desert. Even if you eat too much or not and how it was with your stomach after the dinner. Nothing left out.

The exception are some television programs. But in real live nobody tells about how great you have had sex yesterday. You don’t talk about with whom, or even not where it was. You will never hear the juicy details either.

In my books you find a lot of love scenes of course. That’s what you expect from a chicklit. I love to write them. If there only wasn’t that dilemma.  The main characters in my books are not every time that prude that they stop after a kiss or holding hands. It even becomes pretty wild sometimes. 
 

The dilemma is which details I describe and which not. The main issue is which words I use. It must excite you, without being obscene. There must be passion in it, without becoming pornographic.

I can describe how a body is touched. Body is a word lovely neutral . Lesser than less I have to describe how a sexual organ is touched. (In real live it happens more often of course) In Dutch there are a lot of similar words for a sexual organ and for sexual action. The great duo van Kooten and De Bie as the ‘Klisjeemannetjes’ (unfortunate only in Dutch but search in English for simular entertainers yourself) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvFbL2iGAUw. 

Enjoy this outstanding conference.

I read a lot of books. How do other writers do? How do they find the right words to tell the story as beautiful as love can be, with words beautiful as well.

And then I found the ultimate declaration of love in ‘Suzanne's diary for Nicholas’ . It even lasts a whole book. Don’t wonder that it reads like a detective .  It is written by James Patterson, writer of detectives  as the series the woman’s murder club and Alex Cross.  If you didn’t read it yet, don’t hesitate: read it now.

And even he, as an American, uses explicit sexual organ names.

But I already decided that if I can, I won’t use explicit words. It is far more exciting for my readers if I describe,  if I build up excitement. I write and rewrite till the story becomes all the passion, all the hunger, all the desire and even all  the lust my story deserves.

If I do find the right words? You, my reader,  have to decide it.